An Orgy of One

There is a guy here on base who I've only ever seen wear one shirt out of uniform. It's a Texas Longhorns t-shirt with a fairly distinctive design. I've seen him wear it every time I've seen him, and I've seen him around 7 times in the last 2 weeks. It's a freaking t-shirt, so it touches his bare skin - it's not like a hoodie that I can assume touches a different undershirt every day. Gross.

I've seen different variations of this - the guy who only owns one hoodie, the guy who only owns one pair of basketball shorts, etc. But this takes it to another level - there's no way around the fact that this guy wears the same tshirt every day, and chooses to wear it in public where I can see him and incredulously stare at him.

Labels: people

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 9:04 PM | Permalink | Comments

I'm supposed to salute officers when I see them outdoors. Usually, it is appropriate to say "Good morning, sir." Sometimes it is inappropriate, such as when the officer is indeed a female, or when it's late afternoon. It is also sometimes inappropriate to say "Howdy, sir."

What is almost always inappropriate, however, is forgetting to salute a Lieutenant Colonel in broad daylight as you walk past him with his rank in clear view. ESPECIALLY if it's because you were too busy checking out his smoking hot wife walking right next to him.

In my defense, the LTC rank looks a lot like the Specialist rank on the ACU's. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 2:34 PM | Permalink | Comments

I watched in horror today as a female soldier in the finance office asked (in front of like 30 of us standing around) "My husband just told me that he has 3 children from a previous relationship and that he might have to financially support them. What paperwork do I need to fill out to get them added as dependents?"

Of course, everyone in the room tried their best to stifle their incredulous laughter, but they were mostly unsuccessful.

Later I was imagining what the backstory had to be like on this. Does "just told me" mean that he dropped that bombshell this morning over breakfast? Or does she mean it happened earlier this weekend? How does someone bring that up in conversation - they obviously are ALREADY MARRIED and he didn't feel the need to mention that tiny detail when they were engaged. And I could see one, maybe two children being downplayed, but 3 whole children? Most Americans won't have that many children in their lifetime, much less in one relationship that ends before the age of 30 (my estimate of the female's age would be around 25, so I'm guessing he's under 30).

Just when I thought I had seen all sorts of dysfunctional marriages in the Army, I witness this in all its tragic glory.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 7:51 PM | Permalink | Comments