Friday, November 30, 2007

Racial stereotyping

I was eating at the DFAC the other day, and I heard a conversation at the next table. A Hispanic guy kept saying stuff like "Hey, homes..." and addressing the other guys as "homes." I didn't think it was unusual at all. But I did think it was weird that the white guy at the table would occasionally use it. About 15 minutes later I realized that one of the guys at the table actually was named Holmes, and that I had totally misunderstood what was going on. Oops.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Turkey Day aftermath

The entire barracks building has a slight smell of microwaved turkey and stuffing that pervades every hallway. This is awesome.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Gamer, revisited

I mentioned the avid computer gamer before, but what I neglected to mention is sometimes he makes the conscious decision to skip work/leave early without permission because "I had a really important guild meeting to attend in WoW, and I figured I'd rather get in trouble with the First Sergeant than miss it."

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Sunday, November 18, 2007

Accomodation of ethical or religious food preferences at the DFAC



I imagine it would be pretty difficult to be a vegetarian soldier. I mean sure, the veggie burger MRE (Meals Ready to Eat) actually isn't bad despite its ghastly appearance, but the cheese omelette MRE is God-awful, consistent with its unappetizing appearance. No amount of Tabasco can lessen the disappointment of getting an omelette MRE.

The DFACs (Dining Facilities) don't help much. Sure, they'll label vegetarian entrees as such and will usually have one available, but I would imagine that vegetarians would tire of an alternating diet between spinach lasagna and vegetable stir fry every day. Perhaps they dream of eggplant parmesan or even soy burgers. And that makes me sad. The best is the DFAC when I was in AIT (Advanced Individual Training - job specific training after basic combat training) - they went ahead and labeled all their fish entrees as "Vegetarian." I would chuckle every time I saw a card with "Southern Fried Catfish (Vegetarian)." I mean, I'm not an expert on biological taxonomy, but I'm pretty sure fish is not a vegetable.

I shudder to think of what hoops those with kosher, halal, or vegan diets have to jump through to ensure compliance with their own dietary standards. Ah they probably get money instead of a meal card.

Photo licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial 2.0 license by Flickr user Ribarnica.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Army Combatives: It's only gay if you make eye contact

Fun things to say when you are rolling around on the mats with another dude:

"You smell nice."
"Ignore the erection; I was thinking of something else."
"You know the ancient Greeks used to wrestle naked. That would probably be better."
"Sphincter punch!" (immediately followed by exactly what it sounds like)
"I miss my wife. I guess this'll do."
"I hope you can't spread herpes this way."

My favorite part was when the instructor said, "No, actually there isn't an ass punch anywhere in that drill."

Monday, November 12, 2007

Overheard in the barracks

While walking in the hallway, I passed this conversation in progress:

(knocking)
(door opens)
"Hey do you have a phone book I can borrow?"
"Uh yeah hold on."
"Hey actually do you need it later? Because I'm going to rip it in half after I look up this phone number. I have to maintain my ridiculous strength."

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Happy Veteran's Day

Tonight I drank with a few guys who came home from Iraq today. If you have the chance, buy some veterans some beers today. Because it will be worth your time. And they deserve it.

Also, this conversation occurred tonight:
"Hey it's midnight. Happy Veteran's Day."
"What the fuck? Hey we're veterans. Holy shit we just came back from a war. We're VETERANS!"
"Oh man, but veterans are just the old guys with the funny hats from parades. Wait now I'm one of them? YEAAAHHHH!! VETERAN!!!!!"
"Dude calm down."

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Do not play gay chicken with members of my platoon

While just waiting around in my platoon's office, someone interrupted a specialist mid-story, "Wait so does that mean you want to have sex with the LT?"

The specialist responds with "Well, yeah, of course."

The platoon leader stands up and decides to simulate a thrusting motion towards the specialist. This turns out to be quite the tactical error, because the specialist decides to call this bluff, grab the PL's ass and pull him in. The next thing I witness is the PL's arms and legs flailing, trying to get away, while the specialist has a firm grip on each ass cheek, pulling the lieutenant down into a lap dance and moaning "Oh Yeah" all the while the lieutenant is yelping between fits of laughter "I can't get away, what the fuck!" The look of shock on my platoon leader's face when he was grabbed was priceless, as well as seeing a completely helpless officer turn red in embarrassment. And it lasted around 15 seconds - enough time for it to go from funny to really awkward.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Money management

As a junior enlisted soldier, I have to endure the occasional class on managing my finances. As it is with many briefings in the Army, most of it does not apply to me. I do not have a wife and kids, and since that's the most complex part of Army bureaucracy, all the questions asked have no bearing on my personal situation.

But I understand why the Army has to do this. My peers are not exactly the best with money. There's the guy who lost like $300 gambling in week 1 of the NFL this season because "well I'll win at least some of the games" and proceeded to choose like 6 losers. There's also the guy who came back from block leave, got all his bags stolen at the airport (including all his uniforms), and had to borrow various pieces of uniform from other people until the next payday because "yeah when I was at home I just went bowling everyday with my girlfriend and my old friends from high school, and yeah I paid for everyone every day for 2 weeks." Let's see - you don't need to buy a television/stereo/XBOX from the store, because if you wait until 3 days before payday (especially if it's say, Friday, and payday falls on a Monday), someone will be desperate to unload his own stuff at a low price. And I won't even start with the number of E-3's who make $1534.20/month and have car payments of $800/month plus insurance plus gasoline. You shouldn't buy a car whose price is more than your annual income. Especially if it's a Hummer H1, which is pretty much the same vehicle that you have to drive around all the time at work. Never while I was sitting in a Humvee did I ever say to myself, "You know, these are nice to drive and maintain. I think I'm going to pay $50k for a used one." Yeah, most of my peers spend 100% of their disposable income on cars, electronics, firearms (that's a big one), and alcohol. Which is fine. It's not like I have a bunch of savings, either. But it's still sad to see people being dumb with their money - like the guy who got ripped off buying something on ebay for $100 and not getting anything in return, THEN being too lazy to get his money back or even reporting the dishonest seller, because "I guess I don't really need the money that much." Idiots.

Then there are the payday lenders you see off post. If you are relying on interest rates of over 100% to finance your expenses, something is seriously wrong. You're better off getting a credit card with a comparatively cheap APR of 25%.

Of course there are the opportunists who prey on these 18-21 year old soldiers. There's the guy upstairs who charges $20/month for access to his wireless router, and 4 people have taken him up on it. Internet plans around here start at $40/month. There are the aforementioned payday lenders and pawn shops near the front gate of the installation. Then there's the sleazy 21 year old who charges the underage guys just enough to subsidize the beer that he's buying for himself. Maybe I'm one of the opportunists, too - I bought all my camping gear from a friend at like 50% of the retail price, since he wanted to upgrade to nicer stuff.

But my point isn't that young soldiers are stupid. The point is that the Army spends all this time and money putting together presentations and classes on finance, and yet we still do ridiculously foolish things. I don't think they're working. I spent $3k last year on photography equipment.