An Orgy of One

I was talking with one of my other Army buddies, and he told me the story of his roommate. 19 years old and fresh out of AIT, he just got the first half of his $24k bonus. That means he had $12k minus taxes, so probably like $9k in the bank.

-For a week he had a $2400 television in his room with no cable/satellite or DVD player or game console. Which meant he could not watch anything on his television.
-During said week he also had no bedsheets. That's right, he bought his $2400 television a full week before buying sheets, blanket, and pillow.
-He spent over $2000 on snowboarding gear before he had ever laid eyes upon a ski hill.
-Within 2 weeks of having nearly $10k in his account, he was already borrowing money from his roommate to pay for food.

What an idiot.

Labels: people

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments

My unit had a holiday party last night, and it was pretty entertaining. One of the local elementary schools had their students write letters to the troops, and they were placed at our seats at the dining tables to boost our morale or something.

This one was a pretty representative letter of all the ones I read. There's nothing special, just awful handwriting and misspellings. It took me a while to figure out that "grand perant" was "grandparent," and I still don't know what "hard shies" are.


This one opens with a simple greeting - no need to bother with words like "Dear" or anything like that, just bark "Soldier!" at your intended recipient. He'll understand. He's in the Army. The first sentence establishes a condescending tone, reassuring you that even 8 year olds are too good for your career. And then he tells us, "Please don't stop if you want." Does he mean that we shouldn't stop even if we want to stop, or does he mean we shouldn't stop unless we want to? And the last sentence wins the award for most abrupt conclusion ever.


This is my favorite greeting. He can't figure out what to call personnel in the Navy or Air Force, but he tries anyway. If I'm ever injured in combat, I will take this boy's advice and look at the bright side! I'm alive! He would never know how it would feel if any of his family members die - wait, actually he kinda knows because one of his friends' dad died, which was like everyone died. On that note, enjoy your feast!

I know they mean well, but seriously - a handshake from an appreciative adult means so much more to me than a poorly written letter by some kid who was told to write it. It lifted my morale, but then I'm an asshole who takes pleasure in mocking children.

Photos courtesy JT.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 8:04 AM | Permalink | Comments

I have discovered that there is in fact something that is more annoying than that "Umbrella" song that got significant airplay this year. It's some unfamiliar (to me at least) version of that song with some dude singing the same song, in a neighbor's room turned all the way up with an open door. Occasionally it will be Souljah Boy's "Crank Dat," but to be honest, I find this "Umbrella" song to be far more unpalatable.

Also, the entrance/exit door closest to my room is now forbidden from use, except for exiting the barracks in an emergency because some of the dudes who live in my building have a problem with refraining from sneaking underage girls into the building for gangbangs.

This kind of stuff has happened several times before, and I expect it to happen many times in the future.

Labels: barracks

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 7:33 PM | Permalink | Comments

Scenario: While turning a corner in a hallway, you narrowly avoid colliding with another person walking in the opposite direction.
What happens in the civilian world: Both parties say "excuse me" or "sorry," then continue in their respective directions.
What happens in the Army: Both parties pause, glance down at each other's rank to determine who is at fault, and the lower ranking person apologizes.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 2:01 PM | Permalink | Comments

We had a barracks health and welfare inspection today. Basically the higher ups wanted to make sure we weren't living in squalor with backed up toilets or broken heaters, and that we don't have stuff that could burn down the barracks in the middle of winter.

So yes, I put my water boiler, toaster, and portable stove thing (yes, complete with a heat-producing coil) in my truck to avoid the hassle of explaining these things I'm not supposed to have in my room.

I didn't bother to put away pots and pans. I also didn't bother to hide uncooked pasta (both dry spaghetti in the cupboard and premade tortellini in the fridge), raw eggs, or anything else indicating that I have the ability to cook with more than just the microwave. The First Sergeant noticed these things but didn't say anything. Probably because he had a few dozen more rooms to walk through.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 7:41 PM | Permalink | Comments

Last night, someone went through my barracks floor's hallway and destroyed a bunch of ceiling tiles. Nobody on the floor heard it happen, and people here are pissed because we had to clean it up.

I'd like to think it went something like this:

All the stealth and upwards destruction points to one culprit - Ryu.

Image credit to some IGN blog here.

Labels: barracks

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 8:22 PM | Permalink | Comments