An Orgy of One

While flying back from the National Training Center at Ft Irwin, CA, nobody bothered to check to see if people were working at the tower at the Air Force Base we were flying in to. Well turns out there wasn't anyone in the tower at that airfield that night. So the aircraft circled the Air Force Base for about 2 hours before it became critically low in fuel, allowing it to request landing at another airport. Something about the rules saying that you have to actually be nearly out of fuel to change your flight plan. I feel safer already. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 8:05 AM | Permalink | Comments

At one point in time, my commander made my platoon leader DO HIS LAUNDRY. I had always been fairly certain that there was a regulation against that, but I'm not really in any position to question it. I couldn't believe it.

Another absurd moment was when I was in the TOC (I don't remember what it stands for but it's the command tent where all the top leaders hang out), and some senior NCO ran inside from the ACE (some top secret area), dove onto the floor belly-first, and yelled "THE ACE IS UNDER ATTACK!" The response from the senior officers was "Quiet in the TOC!" and just generally ignoring him after that. He was pissed. Oh and 5 soldiers in the ACE subsequently "died." Yeah, I don't think people are taking the exercise that seriously. In related news, one of the noisemakers/firecrackers that OPFOR (Opposition Force) used to simulate explosions exploded violently enough to actually break a generator that night.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 8:36 AM | Permalink | Comments

My favorite moment at NTC was when I was with an unfamiliar unit, and sleeping in their tent that night. While trying my best to sleep, I couldn't help but notice 3 guys watching porn on a laptop, with the volume turned all the way up. I couldn't believe that they made no effort to hide their activities. But the truly shocking thing was when one of the guys liked it so much that he walked back to his cot, grabbed a digital camera, and started RECORDING THE VIDEO FROM THE LAPTOP SCREEN. Brings a new meaning to "analog hole," I guess.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 9:34 AM | Permalink | Comments

Most of my time at NTC was spent waiting in line. One day, my platoon spent around 10 hours waiting in line for MILES equipment that we weren't going to use, since none of our vehicles were actually in play during the exercise. Same with fueling - the day before we went out to another FOB, the fuel line was around 2 hours long. And in the interest of fairness, if one person had to wait in line, all of us had to wait with him. (insert your own joke about how many soldiers it takes to fuel a truck). Efficiency always takes a back seat to perceived fairness in doling out misery and inconvenience. I just wish sometimes a leader would say "hey SPC so-and-so has to wait in line for a few hours. Everyone else go chill on a cot, play PSP, get some rest, read a book, whatever, and I'll make sure someone else has to do it when a similar scenario inevitably rises tomorrow." Instead, we have to all wait together that day, then all wait together again. Because that's what's fair to everyone.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments

The leadership didn't allow us to go off our fake FOB (forward operating base) to get stuff from the main PX. They explained that soldiers tend to go crazy with that much freedom. In fact, I think my first sergeant mentioned something about us probably being "likely to get into fist fights" with OPFOR if we run into them on main post. Uh, ok - I guess we're liable to just go nuts and start breaking things if we see too wide a selection of couches in a retail establishment. Or perhaps the videogame collection at the PX will trigger bouts of rage. - I think I read somewhere that video games cause violence. I mean, what kind of scenario do they have pictured? "Hey those guys are OPFOR let's beat them up here in Burger King to show them what's up!" Let me remind you that the average age in my platoon is 25, and that the average level of education is 3 years of college. The assumptions that the leadership makes about us are mind-boggling.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 11:25 PM | Permalink | Comments