Police Call
So as a junior enlisted soldier, I am sometimes called to do things like pick up trash. It's a lot like volunteering for an Adopt-a-Highway program, where you pick up trash and put it in a trash bag. We do it every morning here, and it usually isn't anything worth writing home about.
Today was different. It was my day to pick up trash. About 15 minutes into it, I picked up a water bottle that I thought was covered in mud. It was wholly unremarkable in itself. I threw it in the trash, not taking much notice about what made this muddy water bottle so special. As I continued along, picking up other trash, I caught a distinct whiff of shit. It was coming from inside the trash bag. I doublechecked, and there was indeed what appeared to be shit smeared all over the inside of the bag. Confused, I stopped and stood motionless for about 2 seconds trying to comprehend what was happening. What happened next in my mind went something like this:
"Wait where did this come from? OH JEEZ it was that muddy water bottle. That wasn't mud That was liquefied human shit OH IT IS ALL OVER MY HANDS WTF HOW DID IT GET ALL OVER THE OUTSIDE OF THIS BAG THE STENCH IS OVERWHELMING ME WHY DIDN'T I WEAR GLOVES TODAY I NEED TO GO TO THE TRASH CAN NOW."
While dry heaving, I walked very quickly to the nearest trash can and threw away the entire bag, and made a beeline to the nearest bathroom. I scrubbed thoroughly, muttering under my breath, asking myself why I didn't get a normal job after college.
Today was different. It was my day to pick up trash. About 15 minutes into it, I picked up a water bottle that I thought was covered in mud. It was wholly unremarkable in itself. I threw it in the trash, not taking much notice about what made this muddy water bottle so special. As I continued along, picking up other trash, I caught a distinct whiff of shit. It was coming from inside the trash bag. I doublechecked, and there was indeed what appeared to be shit smeared all over the inside of the bag. Confused, I stopped and stood motionless for about 2 seconds trying to comprehend what was happening. What happened next in my mind went something like this:
"Wait where did this come from? OH JEEZ it was that muddy water bottle. That wasn't mud That was liquefied human shit OH IT IS ALL OVER MY HANDS WTF HOW DID IT GET ALL OVER THE OUTSIDE OF THIS BAG THE STENCH IS OVERWHELMING ME WHY DIDN'T I WEAR GLOVES TODAY I NEED TO GO TO THE TRASH CAN NOW."
While dry heaving, I walked very quickly to the nearest trash can and threw away the entire bag, and made a beeline to the nearest bathroom. I scrubbed thoroughly, muttering under my breath, asking myself why I didn't get a normal job after college.
Ahhhhh hahahahaha.
Just know, I'm laughing only because it didn't happen to me. [Engage sympathy] that's really frikkin' disgusting.
Posted by
Evan |
March 1, 2009 7:30 PM