An Orgy of One

1. Everyday power gone 2 hours too long
There's a couple different ways to parse this sentence, all of them retarded.
2. Make the clean the floor at the gym (Court)
This one is signed by the same "Stop serving the shit" guy. The theme is obvious - he really loves to use the word "the" a lot.
3. The gym is bad sometimes.
I was laughing about this one for days after I read this. In what universe is this a constructive comment that will accomplish anything?
4. We need a pool like Balad does have.
The fact that this guy abbreviated his rank SSgt indicates that he is probably in the Air Force. The fact that he is complaining that our tiny base does not have a pool also indicates that he's probably in the Air Force. Who the hell would prioritize construction of a swimming pool on a base where over half the residents still live in tents?

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 3:01 PM | Permalink | Comments

So yesterday's laundry post was pretty basic. Perhaps people don't get as passionate about laundry service, since in some ways it's better than when we're in the U.S.

Food, on the other hand, is another story (click for larger):


4. Stop serving the s***.
I want to know what that Specialist was thinking, filling out the information portion accurately (rank and name) and offering something so profoundly unhelpful as "stop serving the shit" on a comment card. I love that the KBR guy has to actually respond to this, because they aren't allowed to ignore comment cards no matter how ridiculous.

5. Get more fish on the healthy bar 3 weeks now.
What does that even mean? Someone who has been promoted to the rank of Captain has a bachelor's degree at the very minimum. What kind of university diploma does he proudly display in his office? I would be totally unable to diagram this sentence. The "3 weeks now" just completely throws off the rest of the sentence.

Tomorrow - comments about MWR and the gym

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 3:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

We soldiers tend to resent Kellogg, Brown, and Root - known as KBR. They get to make a lot of money and we don't. So KBR finds it important to continually conduct customer satisfaction surveys with customers who have zero ability to actually choose another company.

And this is what happens when KBR solicits feedback - they find themselves forced to respond to ridiculous things:


This is how the first page starts out. Soldiers, being busy people, cannot be expected to write in complete, coherent phrases. The KBR person, being an asshole, lashes back passive-aggressively with contempt dripping all over the page - note that the grammatical errors are preserved in this document, and he has to start each response with "thank you for writing to us" or something like that. Very rarely do they actually commit to making any changes whatsoever. I'm not a fan of either party here, but it's just funny to watch.

1. Better turn around time!
Yeah, that exclamation point really drives the point home. More so than a verb would.

2. I liked when there was an MWR event information board. It not here anymore.
This one starts off solidly and then just peters out with "It not here anymore." He should wait a few weeks and write again "You not listening to me."

3. Add more soap to clothing.
I don't have much to say about this one, except that it's remarkably curt. The response is just a really long "we'll think about it but we really won't."

More tomorrow.

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 5:01 PM | Permalink | Comments

I try to keep the stuff here fairly anonymous. It's not hard to figure out who I am, or what unit I'm with, but I try not to make it easy, either.

And I realized after I started my stories with the infantry that there was no way to really keep up the funny without sounding mean-spirited. I mean, I had about one or two hilarious experiences per week, but I have decided against publishing the rest online. Even anonymized, it may give some people the wrong idea of who soldiers are. So while I gave the most embarrassing story of my own (peeing all over myself), I am not prepared to tell the stories that make fun of the guys I was with, even though they were willing to make fun of each other and themselves about them.

I was pretty sad to have to go back to my "day job" - much longer hours and far less satisfaction. But it's all good. I had an interesting experience.

Labels: infantry

Posted by Joe Dirtbag at 9:52 PM | Permalink | Comments